DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
well most of my day revolves around power hour
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
