Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
