did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
