I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
