you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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