How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
