Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
