3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
