bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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