We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Randomize
