well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
