Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
