Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
