I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
