nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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