BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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