Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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