will power is for people who don't want to get laid
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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