Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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