Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
