He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
