if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
