you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
