she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
