I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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