The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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