I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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