remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
