i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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