I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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