fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
