Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
