apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
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