I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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