I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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