I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
