I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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