VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
