About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
