there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
