I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
