I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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