is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I don't deserve a penis
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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