Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
