And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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