I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
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