I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Randomize
