so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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