I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
