Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize