She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
