I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
