update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
