is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
false alarm. still invincible.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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