There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
