i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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