My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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