Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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