You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
