There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
