ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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