Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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