Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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