sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
