i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize