Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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