I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
