I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
