He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
