..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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