I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
