i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
