pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
