i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
