yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
