I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
