It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
