you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
