He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
