If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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