Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
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