I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
