Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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