The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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